She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
