wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
