You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We are two peas in an std pod
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
