I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
