we have officially lost it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
