matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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