Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
