the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
