Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
