God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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