Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My ass is underappreciated
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
