I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
