I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
