Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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