party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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