Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize