I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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