Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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