Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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