Heybabeimwearingurpanties
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize