Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
