i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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