Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
