i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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