your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
