Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
