I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
