It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
