Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
