i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
