Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
