walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
