the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Too much gin, very little bucket
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
