before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
