I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
