uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I AM VODKA MAN
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
