There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
