did you get engaged???
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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