thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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