Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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