I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize