I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize