So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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