I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
