Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
