oh god the rape fog is back!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
