I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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