Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize