ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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