She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
