I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
