She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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