plz talk dirty to me
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
