that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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