I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
