He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
