I hope mine doesn't look like that
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
