you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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