I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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