I'm drive I can fine osifer
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
