Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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